To Hold... To Live...To Breathe U.....Dangerously. Wait?? I Have To Find It First

-Deep Sigh-

I cant spell.... Lol.

Anyways... my heart is kinda heavy. A lot of un-necessary weight on my heart. Im pressing myself about time. 24 in NOV but what does a girl have?? Nothing that she wants. I dont even know what kind of relationship I have..... Do I have a boyfriend?? I barely see him. We dont get along when we are together. We dont really have anything in common. No mutual friends. We dont even have meaningful conversations........... but still we continue whatever we have.

I guess its my fault! I dont know if I am just not girlfriend matrial or I just cant && wont be the girl he wants me to be. Its probably both! LOL... -Shrugs-

While other girls is looking for someone fine, with money, with nice cars & houses, with cool friends, Im looking for someone who will just be my friend... really good friend. There is nothing like someone you can just chill with.... Like let all your walls down chill with. When you tell a dude that you are looking for a genuine friendship they will be your friend but they gotta mess with everybody && blame you when you get mad about it like " you said you wanted to be friends " lol. Maybe that just happens to me.

Anywho... being 24 Im really on that.. I wanna be a MOM & WIFE kick. Its like heavy. I really feel its my time to settle & give 100%. I know its not something I can go looking for tho... it has to find me.

So I guess the question is........ Whats wrong with me? I have never had a real relationship in my life. I dont know if I have fell in love with someone who's defintion of love was close to mines. I never even had the little things where me & a boyfriend took pics together, or made it public on purpose, or went on dates often....... I've never had that many boyfriends either lol but still....

I dont know... The Life Of Denise Lancaster